True American?

I got another one of those wretched chain e-mails today. This one professed to tell me ten reasons I might (or by implication might not) be a “True American.” I don’t frequently respond to such things. I guess it’s my own way of having one fewer battle to fight and maintaining the status quo, as shameful as that may be. However, one of many in this litany of “properties” that supposedly define Americanism alleged that people should freely speak out, in order to be “Truly American.” In this spirit of sharing our philosophical beliefs, I will respond to each of these behaviorisms, however pithy, unimportant or irrelevant they may be. And I will say what I believe with conviction, “no matter who is listening.” And in the end, as contrary as I am to so many of the things here, I believe I will have made the case that I am, truly, an American. I don’t know if I’ll ever pass this response back to the person who sent the email, but I had to say something at least to myself. Here is the email:

It is time to change from REDNECK humor to TRUE AMERICAN Humor! Only I don't see it as Humor, but the correct way to LIVE YOUR LIFE ! If you feel the same, pass this on to your True American friends. Ya'll know who ya' are...

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God."

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival."

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You bow your head when someone prays.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You treat Viet Nam! vets with great respect, and always have.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You've never burned an American flag.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend.

If you got this e-mail from me, it is because I believe that you, like me, have just enough TRUE AMERICAN in you to have the same beliefs as those talked about in this e-mail.

God Bless the USA! Git 'er done!!

So let’s break this down shall we

“You might be a True American if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, “One nation, under God.”

Am I offended by this phrase? I suppose not. After all I would have to believe, as a Christian, that it is true. It is true because we are “one nation under God” just the same way a square is a rectangle and a shape at the same time. A square is a shape, but other things are too. I am not offended by the implication that we are a nation under God. I am offended by the narrow-mindedness of its use. I doubt God ever decided that the USA will be a nation under God. Yet we are. Why? We are a nation under God because we are a world under God. God could care less about political borders and social boundaries. We are God’s people, and it doesn’t matter where we live. God has a pretty big job. Any good businessman would tell you it’s a bad idea to micromanage when you don’t have to. Why should God be any different?

Let’s assume for a moment this statement was referring to the Pledge of Allegiance (formerly known as the Pledge to the Flag). It is safe to assume we are referring specifically to the most recent version of the Pledge (circa 1954, yes only 52 years old!) since it is the only one that actually includes the phrase “under God.” Whether or not I am offended by this phrase is a tricky distinction even for me to make. For one, nobody is forced to say it, not even school children. That’s right the Supreme Court ruled that children could not be required to recite the Pledge in public schools. Don’t worry; this wasn’t judicial activism against religion. This ruling came down in 1943, long before religion had anything to do with the Pledge of Allegiance.

As I pointed out above, I don’t dispute the premise of the phrase “under God,” but I’d be a fool (one of many apparently) if I thought nobody disagreed with my religious views. While I am not offended by the phrase, I must object to its use in official government business, because I know it can’t possibly apply to everybody equally. The right to practice religion cuts both ways. You have, practice, share, love and live your religion, and the Government has no power to stop you. Must we force the Government to do our religion for us? Aren’t we faithful enough Christians to believe what we do simply because we choose to? Doesn’t that make our faith stronger? I know it would make me feel better. Just ask any toddler how it feels to do something “all by myself!”

“You might be a True American if: You’ve never protested about seeing the [Ten] Commandments posted in public places.”

First of all, I must make a confession: I have never protested about seeing the Ten Commandments posted anywhere. Second, WOW! There’s taking patriotism to a seriously cynical level in six seconds flat. I might be a True American because of something I didn’t do? According to this rule, there are an awful lot of German, Italian, South African, Chinese, Korean, Russian, Indian, Pakistani, and even Iraqi (gasp!) people who “might be a True American.”

Okay, I’ll stop playing dumb. I actually do know what the author of this list really meant. Now whether or not I agree with the statement depends on what is meant by “public places.” If public simply means places that are open to the public (frequently meaning privately owned property that the general public uses like restaurants and malls) then I have no problem with anything (and I really do mean anything) being posted wherever people would like. But why don’t we get specific? Since the political battle this statement is obviously referring to is still ongoing and fresh in our minds, shouldn’t it say “You might be a True American if: You’ve never protested about seeing the Ten Commandments posted in government buildings”? There is a whole other ball of wax.

I believe the Ten Commandments have no place in government facilities partially for reasons I have stated above regarding the Pledge of Allegiance. I can’t ignore what is probably the most central conflict over this issue, and that is the posting of the Ten Commandments in courtrooms. Courtrooms are about law, not about rhetoric. The laws of our country are frequently in lock step with several of the Commandments, but this is entirely coincidental. Any degree of common sense will force an organized society to eventually outlaw murder, even without the help of the Ten Commandments. No offense to God or Moses but, I must say that “Thou shalt not kill,” is the biggest “no duh” in the Bible.

But maybe God knew that. Maybe God knew that society generally shuns murder. Wouldn’t it stand to reason then that God was getting at something else? God wasn’t talking about how we should govern justice here on Earth. God didn’t say, “If you kill your wife in her sleep you will go to prison for fifteen years to life.” God’s justice is not social justice—it is spiritual justice. God’s judgment will not depend upon whether or not you were caught or if you served your time and got early release for good behavior.

“Who are you to pass judgment on the servants of another? It is before their own lord that they stand or fall.” These words from the 4th verse of Romans 14, could spell damnation for any person who ever sits in a courtroom as a “judge.” They could, but they don’t. They don’t because God’s justice is not the same as society’s justice. It exists on another level entirely. This verse isn’t talking about sentencing someone to prison for committing a crime. This verse is talking about sentencing someone to eternal damnation for committing a crime. That is a job reserved specifically for God. Judges should be the first to stand up in opposition to the posting of the Ten Commandments in their courtrooms, because for a person to suggest that the Ten Commandments have jurisdiction over our social justice system, he would have to admit that anyone who sits in that judge’s chair will be subject to the judgment of God. You can’t have it both ways.

“You might be a True American if: You still say ‘Christmas’ instead of ‘Winter Festival.’”

I can’t recall a specific moment when my lips uttered the words “winter festival” but it is possible that it has happened. I can be confident that I do say “Christmas.” I don’t necessarily say “Christmas” instead of “Winter Festival” but I do indeed say “Christmas.” This ambiguity suggests it’s possible to say and believe both. Let’s try it: “Christmas is one of the most widely celebrated Winter Festival days in the world.” No lightning? I guess I’m okay.

This brings up another interesting point though. Christmas is a day—one, single day. It is a Festival Day in the Christian Church, which is also known as a Feast Day, being from the same root word. Speaking of root words, Christmas has a couple of them. Christ: no explanation needed. Mass: Hm, sounds a bit Catholic to me. Why isn’t that objectionable to the many protestants out there?

What seems most absurd about this controversy to me is what people choose to get all upset about. To be troubled by a store that chooses to leave off the word “Christmas” from their advertising and decorations in celebration of a Pagan “winter festival” that existed long before the word “Christmas” was ever uttered, is at best a tad naïve, and at worst downright selfish. To suggest that a celebration that has been going on for centuries should be hijacked for a single, relatively new, religious point of view is the worst kind of narcissism. But in a country that is free in so many ways, we also have a free market. So protest. (That’s the root word of protestant by the way.) Protest whomever you want. Boycott whichever retail chain you feel is most offensive (read: indifferent) to your religion. Buy your “you can’t come to my birthday” cake somewhere else. I don’t really care.

“You might be a True American if: You bow your head when someone prays.”

I haven’t read the constitution cover to cover, but if this law existed first of all it would be impossible to enforce, and second of all it would be so quickly ruled unconstitutional the ink would smear as this breaking story was rushed to the front desk of the nearest tabloid. Aside from the already evident fact that I don’t think being any kind of American has anything to do with a person’s Christianity, this is the most absurd assertion I’ve ever been flabbergasted to discover someone cared about. I don’t think even God cares about that. First of all, we have a serious case of circular logic going on here. How would you know people don’t bow their heads during prayer if your head is always bowed? I frequently bow my head during prayer. I frequently look up at the cross during prayer in church. I’m not the only one either, because I’ll admit, I look around during prayer from time to time. How you decide to hold your head during prayer is one of the most personal decisions a person can make and it doesn’t even define what kind of Christian you are, let alone what kind of American you are.

“You might be a True American if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.”

I am occasionally inspired by pride. I feel it emerging from deep within my soul and it quickly envelops me like a blanket. A few of these moments have happened when someone played the National Anthem. I might have had my hand over my heart, and I might have been standing, but I don’t remember. I don’t remember because that’s not the thing that moved me. That’s not the feeling that sent tingles down my spine. It was the idea or thought that was going through my mind at the time. Maybe someone had just achieved a great victory in the Olympics, or maybe we were about to start an exciting game of football. Maybe I was listening to the words themselves and thinking of the history that inspired them. Respect and reverence are only important if it’s something you believe in. Don’t just stand there with your hand on your chest because it’s what everyone else is doing. What about the man who’s paralyzed, sitting in a wheel chair? Can he not feel that sense of pride too, sitting, with his hands at his sides?

“You might be a True American if: You treat [Vietnam] vets[.] with great respect, and always have.”

I’ve met only one Vietnam veteran that I know of and I respect him a great deal. I respected him before I knew he was a veteran because he is a good person. I respect him now for the same reasons.

I respect all veterans for what they have done and what they have been through. Had I been alive at the time, I expect I would have been strongly opposed to the war, but I know the soldiers had nothing to do with the choices that caused that war to be something I so strongly disagree with. I know from what little I have learned about the conflict from my uncle, and from the countless stories of soldiers returning from our current war in Iraq, that anyone who will actually be considered a war veteran had no control over how brutal, misguided, or downright stupid a war can become. I will never blame any veteran for that.

“You might be a True American if: You’ve never burned an American flag.”

Another confession: I’ve never burned a flag of any kind. Do you know what the proper method is for disposing of a worn out American flag? You burn it. Oh, that’s right, I’m playing dumb again. That’s not what you meant? Well then what did you mean? When someone burns it in protest, out of disrespect perhaps? This is why a law against Flag burning will never work. Any such law would have to have a clause leaving exception for the disposal of a flag. This would require the law to decide not only if the burn was for this purpose, but also if the flag was worn enough to warrant such disposal. There is enough grey area there to have the justice system held up for years in motions and appeals and reversals, and all for a piece of cloth.

Now that we know flag burning isn’t always objectionable, we must wonder, what is the “x” factor. Maybe it’s the actions surrounding a flag burning that bother people. Maybe it’s what people are thinking—what they have in their heads—when they burn the flag. Well then, why ban flag burning? Why not go straight to the source of frustration? Wouldn’t that be easier than working out the legal distinctions of proper flag burning? Why not just outlaw protests (except, of course, those against evil retail chains who figured out they can broaden their customer base by becoming secular [not to be confused with atheist])? It’s against the constitution, that’s why. It is for this reason that those who support a ban on flag burning really show their colors. These people don’t like protests and dissent, but they know they can never stop it, so they turn to the next thing they think they can control in order to silence these voices that exercise their first amendment rights. I have never burned an American Flag, and so long as I always can, I probably never will.

“You might be a True American if: You know what you believe and you aren’t afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.”

I think I’ve thoroughly demonstrated my thoughts on this position. This, by the way, is the only item on this list that I think has anything to do with being an American. I was almost shocked to even see it here, especially right under that statement about the American Flag.

“You might be a True American if: You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.”

First of all, I have no kids. Second, this one is hard to argue about. I have respect for just about everybody. There are certain people that have lost my respect. No matter who they are, and whether they are five minutes or fifty years older than I, they will not regain my respect until it is earned.

“You might be a True American if: You’d give your last dollar to a friend.”

There are a lot of non-Americans in this country then. I know plenty of people who wouldn’t give their first dollar to a friend. Why give your friend your money when you can give him someone else’s money? (I’m using a bit of free association here: people who are obsessed over flag burning, Christmas, and The Ten Commandments; makes me think: Conservatives; makes me think: Republicans; makes me think: Jack Abrammof.) This easily ties back to scripture and Christianity. A “True Christian” might give his last dollar to a friend. Think about this: he might even give his last dollar to a stranger.

“If you got this e-mail from me, it is because I believe that you, like me, have just enough True American in you to have the same beliefs as those talked about in this e-mail.”

Narcissism again? Let’s think about the beliefs in this list. How many of these have any potential of improving what America stands for, making it a better place, or improving the life of anyone who can be called an American.

Speaking of that, I want to add one to this list of things that might actually define a “True American,” bringing the list up to two: “You might be a True American if: You were born here.” Simplistic and overly scientific I know, but doggone it Webster has to get it right sometimes doesn’t he?

“God Bless the USA!”

God Bless the World! There, we’re all covered.

“Git ‘er done!!”

These three words tell me more about the person who wrote this email than the entire list of useless and irrelevant beliefs contained within.